I was re-reading, of all things, "
Damage Control", the snarry sequal to "And Just Plain Wrong". As fantastical as they seem, it hits close to home. Sure magic isn't involved, but people that horrible beyond words exist- and like the HP World, they're right in between the cracks of the world most people see, waiting for the kids (and sometimes even adults) that fall in and not have any way out. They are parents and friends and teachers and supposedly respectable successful business persons. Its skewed towards men but there's more women than anyone on the outside expects. If the victim is a no-one: anon-white run-away, a migrant worker or child of, they often
will kill them when they are done playing with them.... If the victim is one of their own children, or another child (or adult) who is white and from a decent neighbourhood and where people might ask questions, then they will be careful to hurt in ways that leave few if any marks; and to take victims to
their doctors if something happens, where records will be lost.
I used to actually like Damage control, despite its darkness, because they GOT OUT and they went together into the Muggle world, and could start over, together. It was a HOPEFUL ending, and that made it happy. Bug got out, pretty much only because of me, not that I'm being self-congratulatory.
But this time, I read it, and all I could think was that....
They manage to find a flat and get in some good lovemaking. Harry finds an injured bird at the park and brings it home for Snape to fix up because they dont need their wands to brew potions after all. And this becomes a pattern, so that they end up with a small menagerie of rescued birds and cats and squirrels etc, brewing healing potions for them until they can be set free (if they can be).
But then eventually their minds realise that they are safe, and thus, memories come forward as their minds have decided that its time to
process all the shit that's happened. They can't have sex, let alone touch each other with out one or the other freaking out. They get dependent on Dreamless Sleep due to the nightmares they'd otherwise have, taking higher and higher doses until its no longer safe and they have to stop. Their feelings about everything- the past- their difficulty dealing with the present- comes out sideways at each other and they have rows that cause neighbours to call the cops on them. Snape is getting clumsy with the potions- making errors- they chalk it up to stress. That backache, neck ache, shoulder ache- also, stress and sleeping in odd positions, for both of them.
They stick through all of this, hard as it is, and eventually, years later, they start to find ways they can be intimate, and to speak about things before they come out sideways. But despite this break through, and
finally some good sex after all those years of PTSD, the clumsiness increases, the pain increases... After what they went through, its not at all unlikely that they'd both have severe
RSD / CRPS all over their bodies; having gone untreated for so long, its not reversible. A gentle touch from the other person causes severe pain- they can't sleep together, let alone have sex. If they're having an especially good day, they might be able to hug- carefully. And just because that's not enough, Snape ends up with something else as well- like
Multiple Sclerosis, or Lough Gerick's disease etc.
Snape hasn't made a potion for years. Harry can't help any more injured birds because he can't help themselves. The ones that couldn't be released and became pets he tries to place, and for the rest, he continues to make sure they have at least food and water, even if he has to crawl to do it, but they seem to pine away without the doting-on they were used to. He watches them die and blames himself.
By now, they've managed to get someone to help clean the house and bring them food, but they hate having their little home, that they fought for with their life, intruded on like this. They manage to go get a drink of water or go to the bathroom with the aide of a walker or a wheel chair.
Snape and Harry try to do things together- play chess, write a book, just talk- but pain interferes and makes concentration impossible most of the time. But most of the time, they stay in separate beds, not even in the same room as the rooms are too small for two beds, and remind themselves this is still better than what it was like back at Hogwarts under Death Eater control. If they had wands, it wouldn't be enough to summon a patronus.
I wanted to write that as an actual fic, but crying the entire time I type, i can't manage it.
The drs have decided that Bug has both RSD/CRPS (thanks to their family/childhood), and Multiple Sclerosis. We're still trying to get all the right treatments in place. I just have a joint disease (
Ehlers Danlos) that will always get worse, never better. I have Fentynal from my primary doctor, but its not enough and I'm still waiting to get into a pain clinic / rehab center out here. My mom stopped by and saw the place was clean because of the home maker, and she said "Oh I'm so happy for you, this is great! blah blahblah" and I just wanted to punch her.
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